The View From My Tiptoes

I stood on my tiptoes to see a bit farther,
To see past the people and over the trees,
And over the forests and past the blue mountains,
And then I looked farther, past stormy gray seas.
And I just kept on looking. I looked past the clouds,
And I looked past the skies and then out past the stars.
I kept looking ahead 'til I couldn't see farther,
I stood on my tiptoes and saw beyond far.
No, I'll never forget what I saw on the day
That I peered past the world and all that it contained.
I saw past forever, past all that we know.
I stared at eternity from my tiptoes.

Mr. White

Mr. White was a blank slate,

A hole in the spectrum,

In his spotless white suit and white shoes and white house

At One-Twenty-Three White Street just off Off-White Lane,

Mr. White lived a life that was crisp, starched and plain.

But behind all that white,

Back behind the white whiteness,

A breathtaking masterpiece hidden from sight.

He felt splashes of colors, bold strokes in bright hues,

He felt greens, he felt yellows, deep reds and sad blues.

Mr. White was a painting,

A rich, colorful canvas,

An intricate portrait no one ever saw.

You see, poor Mr. White, was not white, not really -

Just a canvas, hung backward, his paint to the wall.

Cowboy Ed

There once was a cowboy named Ed,
Whose boots were a bright shade of red ...
Silver guns at the ready
Lasso of spaghetti
In a nine gallon hat
Cowboy Ed proudly sat
On a three-legged pony
Who ate only bologna
Backwards in his saddle
His eyes on the cattle
Yes, Ed drove the herd
Never saying a word
Though he did like to hum
And chew pink bubble gum
As he crisscrossed the plains
Holding tight on the reins
With a wild-eyed stare
And the wind in his hair
Others thought he was weird
Cause he shaved half his beard
And he buttered his chaps
And stopped often for naps
Filled his pockets with snakes
And his pants with corn flakes
Had a squeaky left knee
A bovine allergy
And a canteen of gravy
For his pet cactus Davy ...

Ed was a bit odd, they said.

Lost Thought

Tonight while having a deep think
I tipped my head to sip my drink
And as I did my thought slipped out my ear.

It rolled across the hardwood floor,
Continued right out my back door
And I have lost that thought for good I fear.

It's such a shame, if I may say,
To lose one's well-thunk thought that way.
To have a thought fall right out of your head.

If only I could get it back,
But life's sometimes unfair like that
And so I think I'll just go on to bed.

The Rainmaker

I lean my ladder

Against a dark sky

And I climb to the top

To the heavens, where I

Sit with my pail

On my lofty perch

On a billowy, silver cloud.

I am the rainmaker.

I pour the rain

In drizzles and drops

O'er the hills and the plains.

I spill the raindrops

That sprinkle like tears

On a parched and thirsty world.

Yes, I am the rainmaker.

I wash away

The dust and the grime

And the dirt of the day.

When my bucket is dry,

I climb down again

And I walk through the puddles, home.

The Man in the Desert

I met an old man as I walked through the desert,
As I walked through the desert I met an old man.
In a tired straw hat
And a pair of worn sandals,
That carried him over an ocean of sand.

I said to him "Sir, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"It's a pleasure to meet on this fine sunny day."
But my greeting was met
With a stare and a silence,
He passed me and wordlessly went on his way.

I still travel the trail that cuts through the desert.
I still walk the path that winds through the sand.
I wonder whatever

Became of that stranger,
That stoic, that sun-chapped, that weathered old man.

Three Sisters' Folly

One Tuesday three fortunate sisters,
Found five chests of silver and gold.
But alas, only six short days after,
They had wasted a fortune untold.
And so seven years later the sisters
With just nine pennies left to their name,
Shared a dented tin cup
And a mangy brown pup
And had only themselves to blame.

The Rise and Fall of Nobody

None hundred black knights
From the Castle Nobody
Crossed over the windswept moor,
Heading straight for the Kingdom of No One,
To wage a forgotten war.

No One saw them coming,
No One heard their shouts,
No One was prepared to defend.
The good kingdom fell to the Knights of Nobody,
Yes, No One had come to an end.

Nobody remembers
Just why they attacked
It happened so long ago.
Nobody thrived for none hundred long years
Till the rise of the Kingdom of No.

Roger and Roger and Roger and Wayne

Roger and Roger and Roger and Wayne
Shared Roger's umbrella as they strolled in the rain,
They waved to Wayne's brother in front of the market -
His name was Roger, too.

Starting Over

If I were designing a new me from scratch
I would make a slight change here and there.
For starters I'd give me the eyes of the hawk
And I'd take the great strength of the bear.
Then I'd add on the pouch of the kangaroo
So I'd have a safe place for my keys,
The spots of the leopard, the legs of the frog,
And the bright yellow stripes of the bees.
The ears of the bunny, the elephant's nose
And some beautiful antlers perhaps,
And the shell of the turtle that I could crawl in
For some undisturbed noontime naps.
I'd proudly wear the peacock's tail
The sailfish's majestic sail
And if I got bored
I'd just flap my wings
And gracefully fly away.

The Fly in My Eye

I have a fly
That is caught in my eye
It's the biggest fly I've ever seen

He's hairy and blue
And he's blocking my view
And he's staring at me kind of mean

I've tried pulling and prying

And winking and crying

And jumping on a trampoline

But that fat, stubborn fly

Is stuck fast in my eye

And I can't seem to intervene

The Time Traveler

I am a traveler
Skipping through time,
Sliding through time,
Hurtling through time.
I am a voyager
Racing through time,
The gauge on my wrist
Marks my progress.

I've been to the past -
I was there yesterday.
And if I may say
It was much like today.
I am now in the present,
But I cannot stay,
For I'm pushing onward
To the future.

The Man Growing in My Garden

There's a man growing down in my garden,
He's scattered in pieces and parts.
His head's made entirely of cabbage,
And I think that's a very good start.
His eyes peek from the potatoes,
His ears listen from the corn stalks,
He hasn't a nose
But he has toma-toes
And with time he may learn how to walk.

The New Me

We parted ways with a handshake,
I'll miss me but time marches on.
Yes, I am still here
But it's painfully clear
That the me that I was is long gone.

To Be a Bee With Allergies

To be a bee with allergies,

The endless sounds of buzz... buzz... sneeze.

Hour after loathsome hour,

Toiling within wretched flowers.

Oh, the bitter irony...

To be a bee with allergies.

One Gnu Too Few

I won an old gnu

Which was one gnu too few

One less gnu than I knew I would need.

But I'll try to make due

With this one lonesome gnu

'Til the day I can have two or three.

A Weary Old Crow

A weary old crow came to rest on a clothesline
Stretched between two maple trees in a widow's back yard.
Her unmentionables, a billowy white backdrop,

Gently swaying in the autumn breeze.

Little Shoeless Boy

Little shoeless boy
Throwing stones at the sky,
Only he knows what he's aiming for
And only he knows why.

Low Clearance

Sometimes I wonder
Why earthworms live under
The stones in my flower bed.
I would dislike
A home so small and tight
For I fear I would bump my worm head.

The Beast

It waits for me down in the valleys and gorges,
Within the black shadows it hides and it waits.
It wishes to torment me, lash me and slash me
Gnashing its teeth, longs to seal my fate.
So I stick to the high grounds, the ridges and treelines,
The hills and the mountains where I make my home.
Though sometimes I wonder if I should go down there,
If I should confront the beast that wants my soul.

Bare Bear

There once was a bear who lost all of his hair
He was bare as a bear could be.
He got more than his share of giggles and stares
'Cause he was such a strange site to see.
At first he was worried that he wasn't furry
But with time grew to like his bare skin.
Now he lives life with ease, just enjoying the breeze
Wearing nothing at all but a grin.

The Eye in the Sky

Peering closely at the planet
Giant pupil fills the sky.
Piercing gaze with lid unblinking
Ever watching stares the eye.

Tiny people scurry 'neath it
Seeking sheltered place to hide.
Silently it looks upon them
Can't escape the giant eye.

First in Line

I'm starting a line so that I can be first

To do all the fun things one can do.
If you want to join me just step up behind me

And you can take spot number two.

It's a line for the sniffing of flowers,
It's a line for the licking of spoons,
A line for the petting of purring cats,
And a line for the whistling of tunes.

It's a line for the kissing of sweethearts,
And a line for the racing of bikes,
It's a line for the seeing and doing and tasting

Of all the fun things that I like.

Get in line for the playing in rivers and creeks,
In line for the roasting of marshmallow treats,
It's a line for the running 'round in your bare feets,
And the line forms right behind me!

Ten Thin Men

Ten thin men sat on a long silver pin
In a hat on a fat lady's head,
A mockingbird swooped down and plucked the pin out
And it's feared that all ten may be dead.

The Octopus Wrestler

I found myself wrestling an octopus once,
Which wasn't that easy to do.
For it had eight arms with which to hold me
And I was armed only with two.

With skill and brute strength and a good bit of luck
I was able to give him a wallop.
But next time I feel like a watery tussle
I'll challenge a mussel or scallop.

Or a shrimp.

The Accidental Astronaut

I tripped and I fell off the world today.
I peeked over the edge, and to my dismay,
I carelessly stumbled
And I took a tumble
And slipped off the edge of the world,
Yes I did,
I fell right off the edge of the world.

And now as I slowly drift away,
I'm watching a grand and amazing display.
The Earth seems so small
As I fall and I fall,
And soon it will all disappear,
Yes it will,
And soon it will all disappear.

I admit that I'm feeling a bit perplexed.
I don't know where I'll find myself next.
I'm just floating through space,
With an ease and a grace,
Adrift in a sea of stars,
I am,
Adrift in a sea of stars.

I Have an Elephant Stuck in My Ear

I have an elephant stuck in my ear

It's squeezed in so tight I can barely hear
Just how it got there's not entirely clear
But it's there nonetheless and it feels rather weird
Now I'm fully aware that my quandary sounds queer
But you must understand that I'm being sincere
When I tell you an elephant's stuck in my ear
I'm sure my predicament's quite severe

This sort of thing's always been my biggest fear
I need a good doctor or engineer
Who can figure out how to make it disappear
Maybe pull from the trunk, or push from the rear
But please, someone, please get it out of my ear!

Imagination

A colorful bird that leaves its perch
To fly to distant lands unseen, unknown.
Returns to sit upon the shoulders,
Preen its plumage, rest its weary wings.

On Finding Fallen Fairies

If you find a fallen fairy
You should stop and pick her up.
You should offer her a helping hand
And gently pick her up.
Please be mindful of her fragile wings

(They are the most delicate things)
But if a fairy's fallen
Pick her up!

The Bumbling, Grumbling Shumble

In the corner of my garden
Underneath a stepping stone,
A bumbling, grumbling shumble
Makes his solitary home.
Though he's never caused me trouble
I suggest you keep away,
For that bumbling, grumbling shumble's
Always having a bad day.

Waffling

This morning, I could not decide

Between French toast or pancakes

For breakfast.

Living on the Edge

My house seems to make people quite ill at ease,

Visitors, I'll admit, I have few.

It has a tenuous grip on the edge of a cliff,

But it has a fantastic view.

Absolute Nonsense

Squeegee

Gee whiz

Whiz bang

Pow,

Wow-wee

Zowie

Faster now...

Flim flam

Flambée

Bay Bridge

Okay

Amos

Seamus

Take a bow.

Canned ham

Hamburg

Big Bird

Black bird

Black dirt

Dirt poor

Poor Sam Mudd.

Mud flap

Flap jack

Jack Sprat

Pratfall

Fall guy

Stop quick

With a thud.

Unknown Beauty

She was filled to the tip top
With delicate things,
Like dandelion blossoms
And butterfly wings.
But she never knew love,
Just the withering sting
Of rejection...

Her beauty not easily seen.

A Random Little Thought About an Idle Brain

She kept her brain inside a jar
Tucked safely away on a high shelf
In the study, to be used only when needed.
Which, for her, was not often.
And so there it sat, just gathering dust,
Not thinking about anything at all.

My Thursday

I was deep inside a Thursday
When I heard the color blue
It filled my eyes with deafening whispers
Of a lonely, mournful hue

I don't know when or where it came from
Don't know how it came to be
Before I knew just what was going on
The waves washed over me

And I was swimming in a chorus
Of a thousand fallen tears
I caught the scent of baleful drumming
Winding rhythm through my ears

It was a symphony of sadness
Suffocating was the song
A taste of melancholy madness
And in a moment it was gone

Staring at the Sun

They sat on the grass, all bald heads and bare feet
And flowing white robes, as others poked fun.
They turned their eyes skyward in practiced performance,
They turned their eyes skyward and stared at the sun.
No one knows why they did it, they sat there in silence,
Unsettling scene in a picturesque park.
Tears flowed down their cheeks as they stared at the fire,
Unblinking until they saw nothing but dark.

The Last Man in the World

He walks through a desolate wasteland alone,
A fistful of daisies in hand.
He's not sure where he's going, forgot where he's been
He just aimlessly wanders the sand.
He belongs to no country, religion or creed
Adrift, the last man in the world.
And although it seems crazy, he clutches those daisies,
Just hoping to find the last girl.

Poor Richard

My name is Richard,
They call me Rich,

If I'm being Frank with you, though...

I have not a single Penny.

Could you buy me a cup of Joe?

Remembering Dear Reuben

My best friend was a sandwich named Reuben.

My constant companion was he.

We spent long summer days playing outdoor games

And swinging from a tree.

But sadly our friendship ended

One day as lunchtime neared.

My hunger got the best of me

And dear Reuben disappeared.

The Purple Speckled Egg

It was a gift from Uncle Gus, brought back from some strange land.

A lovely purple speckled egg placed in my eager hand.

In all his travels he'd found no other

I ran and showed it to my mother

Who said she'd never seen another

Purple speckled egg.

What kind of egg is it you ask? Well, that's still undecided.

I've researched oviparity but found no other like it.

Whatever it is that grows in there

Seems wholly content and unaware

As hour by hour I sit and stare

At my purple speckled egg.

Was it laid by something wriggly? Was it laid by something that flew?

Or produced perhaps by some strange beast that taxonomy never knew?

So fascinating, this fragile prize

That incubates a living surprise

A mystery larger than its size

My purple speckled egg.

Lateral Thinking

There are stairs that go up

And stairs that go down
But though I have looked

I've never found
Stairs that go sideways

And for that matter
I've never seen

A sideways ladder.
I plan to invent both

Sooner or later
And also a sideways

Elevator.

The Fourth Little Pig

The fourth little pig made his home on a yacht
That was moored at the end of a long, wooden dock.
The wolf huffed and he puffed, but to his dismay
The pig hoisted the sails for a clean getaway.

The Upside-Down Tree

I planted an upside-down acorn.
It sprouted an upside-down tree.
In its roots, the birds nest
In its branches, worms rest
And it's all quite confounding to me.

Squandered Star

Last week I plucked a star right from the sky.
They didn't seem to be in short supply.
I just dropped it in my pocket
Where I promptly then forgot it
And on laundry day it got a wash and dry.

The Extraordinary Disappearance of a Good Hat

By some quirk of nature,
By some twist of fate,
A hole opened up in time and in space
And before I could grab it
My hat blew right through it
And vanished without a trace.

Did it jump to the future
Or back to the past?
I have no way of knowing just when it is at
So I'm standing here, waiting
Confused and debating
If I should go buy a new hat.

The Scare, The Fright and The Fear

I warn you dear children, please beware
Of the terrible creature they call The Scare.
It has sharp, pointy teeth
And claws that can scrape,
And if ever it gets you
You will not escape.

And if you venture out into the night
Watch out for the one they call The Fright.
It has scaly, black skin
And red eyes that glow,
If it grabs you, dear children,
It won't let you go.

And I beg of you, children, please steer clear
Of the horrible monster they call The Fear.
It gobbles up anyone
Who gets too near,
And if it takes hold
You may well disappear.

The Figment

It was but a figment,
Born in a instant,
Conjured from wishes and dreams.
A tangible thought
Unexpectedly wrought,
Pulled out of thin air, it seems.

It opened its eyes,
Confused and surprised,
Unsure if it even belonged.
But it was not to last,
For the thought quickly passed
And that poor little figment was gone.

Revolution

How it happened was a mystery
That would change the course of history.
Somehow the spark of life took hold
In an ancient primordial sea.

Behold, a blob of divine potential,
Unequipped to imagine its own eventual
Importance. For it was destined to be
Quite significant and influential.

And as eons passed it formed a brain.
It grew eyes and a tail and rearranged
Its pieces and parts, to find the ideal,
It ever so slowly changed.

It was still just a blob, basically,
But it learned to use its agility
To wiggle and squirm and carve out a life
To the best of its ability.

With the passing of time it learned to do more.
It grew fins and scales and began to explore
The whole of the oceans, and when it was through
Fixed its sights upon the shore.

It grew legs and skin and working lungs
And hauled itself into the light of the sun
And it breathed the air, and it walked the earth
And yet still it was not done.

And the blob diverged into various forms,
Some rather plain, some out of the norm.
And it conquered the land, the water, the skies,
And the planet was transformed.

It coupled and grew into families,
Developed culture and complex societies.
It built villages, towns and organized nations
All part of its lasting legacy.

Its knowledge grew at a furious pace.
It unlocked the mysteries of time and of space.
It mastered its world and all it contained
And undoubtedly won life's race.

Finally, with no problems left to solve,
And confident that it had fully evolved,
It sunk deep into a comfy chair
And turned right back into a blob.

Big Bob's Early Exit

They said it was escape-proof
A fishbowl filled with tears
Stocked with hardened criminals
Who were locked away for years.
The goldfish markin' time inside
Had rap sheets nine miles long.
They swam in endless circles
Wonderin' what the heck went wrong.
The oldest inmate was a con
Who went by the name Big Bob.
He was netted seven years ago
For pullin' a riverbank job.
Yes, seven years of hard time,
Sunk in that cold, glass clink.
And that's seven years of nothin' to do
But scheme and plan and think.
He'd scrutinized the security,
And he thought he'd found a way
To slip right out of that goldfish bowl
And see the light of day.
The other inmates laughed at Bob
Not one of them believed him.
They had long since given up the dream
Of ever nibblin' freedom.
But Big Bob was optimistic.
Big Bob was undeterred.
Big Bob said he was leaving,
And Big Bob kept his word.
And one mornin' at the roll call,
The guards found somethin' weird:
Big Bob had vanished in the night,
Big Bob had disappeared.
No one knew how he did it.
They never found his route.
But the rumor swirlin' 'round the yard
Was that Big Bob tunneled out.

Eat My Words

I have no training as a chef
Although I think I hold my own.
I make a fabulous 'braggadocio'
My 'rest assured' falls off the bone.
I simmer 'absolutely certains,'
I find they make a sumptious stock.
And try my 'spoke too soon' stir fry
That I whip up in the wok.

Now I don't have to cook too often,
Despite whatever you have heard,
But I always try to make the best of it
When I have to eat my words.

P.S.: I also have a delicious recipe for 'foot in mouth.'

It was passed down from my mother.

Mean Bean

He has a cold black eye that never blinks

And a nasty attitude.
He is an ornery old cuss
Who doesn't care that he's just food.
He kicks around the new potatoes
And he bullies the pot roast.
He's just a real mean bean
And if you ever cross him you'll be toast.

The Gum That Time Forgot

As I was strolling down the sidewalk

On this pleasant summer day,
I was the victim of a thoughtless act
Much to my own dismay.
I felt a gooey, sticky squish

Under the sole of my new shoe.
It was a chewed up glob of bubble gum

That I had stepped into.

And though I'd like to have a few words

With the one who chewed and spit it,
Logically, I know I must move on
'Cause I shall soon forget it.
You see, it's times like these that one must pause,
And learn to be reflective.
An incident like this should really be

Put in proper perspective.

Yes, I'm sitting here, picking at
This gum that isn't mine.
But I know man is insignificant
When viewed through the lens of time.
All of mankind and all we ever did
Will be forgot one day.
Our legacy, our history,

Broken down and washed away.

And now I'd like to take a moment

To expand your world view.
For planet Earth is just a morsel

Floating in a cosmic stew.
Our solar system's swallowed up
By an enormous galaxy.
Yes, our whole world is but a tiny speck
Lost in an endless sea.

We are adrift in time, adrift in space,
Our lives so meaningless.
And when you understand that fact

It just seems so ridiculous
To give a second thought,

About a wad of gum stuck on a sole.
It is a pointless exercise

That fails to appreciate the whole.

But though I know how unimportant
This tiny moment will become,
I admit it's not much consolation

As I sit here scraping gum.

Voyage of the Landlocked Pirate

He had a long black beard, a peg leg and a patch over his eye
He flew the skull and bones above his ship against a cloudless sky
He was fierce and unforgiving, and a pirate to the core
He was the captain of a ship drydocked a thousand miles from shore

He spent his days behind the wheel, navigating fields of gold
He never saw another ship, 'cause there were no ships to behold
He led a crew of swarthy scarecrows serving under his command
He was the captain of a pirate ship that never left the land

His ship had no need for an anchor, but it had one just in case
It didn't really need sails either, because it just stayed in one place
It had ten cannons at the ready, and its decks were swabbed and clean
It was the strangest pirate ship that any farmer'd ever seen

And although waves of wheat would be the only waves he ever rode
The fearless captain lived his whole life strictly by the pirate's code
He was a legendary figure, who, thanks to geography
Became the greatest pirate captain...

Who never sailed the sea

If I Had

If I had eight arms like an octopi
I could clap my hands while I waved goodbye
I could juggle nine balls if I gave it a try
If I had
If I had
Eight arms

If I had a long neck like a giraffe
You could hear an echo when I laughed
It would take ten scarves just to cover half
If I had
If I had
That neck

If I had a pouch like a kangaroo
I could carry a pot of tea for two
Hide my head inside when I felt blue
If I had
If I had
A pouch

If I had the jaws of the alligator
I could eat taffy now and jerky later
Skip the squash, steamed broccoli and tomaters
If I had
If I had
Those jaws

If I had the horn of the rhinoceros
I could pop balloons just because they was
It would point the way for the both of us
If I had
If I had
A horn

If I had these things life would surely be
Quite different as I'm sure you see
But I think I'd choose to just be me
If I had
If I had
A choice

On Unicorns

I have a question about unicorns

I'd like to ask of you:

Do they have one horn too many

Or do they have one horn too few?

Tiny Mermaid

There was once a tiny mermaid
Who lived in a drop of dew
Between the petals of a rose
And how she got there no one knew.
It was just a drop of water
But she didn't mind at all
She lived contently in her dew drop
Never knowing she was small.

The Poem That Isn't Finished

If you are reading this new poem
Well, I must apologize
Because I hadn't time to finish
It's not ready for your eyes.
I beg you please come back tomorrow
I'm sure I'll have it done by then
You see I'm working on the last line now
I've almost reached the

The Wish Giver

I was once granted three wishes
And though generous, I must say,
I knew that two were all I needed
So I gave the third away.
Now you may wonder if I ever
Wish I had that last wish back.
No, I'm completely out of wishes
But that's the only thing I lack.

The Hole

He stepped into his sandbox
Just before the crack of dawn
A young spelunker in pajamas
Rubbed his eyes and gave a yawn

He tied a coil of knotted rope
Tightly 'round an old oak tree
He donned a backpack full of snacks
And he gazed down at destiny

And then he knelt and started digging
With a silver serving spoon
That he had taken from the kitchen drawer
The previous afternoon

He tossed the sand over his shoulder
As he made a boy-sized dent
In the bottom of his sandbox
Down and down and down it went

And after only half an hour
He had disappeared from sight
He was deep inside his tunnel
Heaving dirt with all his might

He dug a shaft into the darkness
Carved a hole that plunged straight down
He dug through dirt and rocks and clay
As he dug deeper underground

He dug past long forgotten artifacts
Cast off by early man
He dug through fossilized remains
Of dinosaurs and ancient lands

He dug past sedimentary layers
And through igneous ones, too
He broke right through the Earth's thin outer crust
By early afternoon

He made quick work of the soft mantle
Although his arm was getting sore
He just kept digging with that silver spoon
Until he reached the core

And at the center of the Earth
He paused to eat a little snack
He drank some juice and then continued
His unstoppable attack

He just kept digging, digging deeper
Burrowing through the world wide
He planned to dig right through the planet
And break through the other side

Surely no hole was ever deeper
It was really quite a sight
When he looked up through his handiwork
He saw a speck of light

But when he finally reached the bottom
As he neared the last few feet
He heard those dreaded words call down the hole
"Young man, it's time to eat!"

The Absentminded Elephant

They say elephants remember
They say pachyderms keep track
Of every little thing that happens
Every name and place and fact.
And though it's true that most remember
And remember quite a lot
I know an absentminded elephant
Who forgot.

He forgot his mother's birthday
He forgot his father's too
He forgot to do his homework
He forgot to tie his shoes
He forgot to eat his veggies
He forgot to wait his turn
He forgot to wash behind his ears
When would he ever learn?
He forgot to say "Excuse me"
He forgot to say "Thank you"
He forgot to say "I'm sorry"
"Please madam, after you."
He forgot to ask permission
He forgot to feed his fish
He blew out his birthday candles
But forgot to make a wish.

But then one day he heard of
An ingenious little trick
He tied a string around his trunk
It was simple, it was quick!
And so he tied another string
And then he tied a couple more
He tied a string for every little thing
That he'd forgot before.
And now that elephant is happy
He recalls with speed and grace
Cause what's on his mind's as obvious
As the nose upon his face.

Topsy-Turvy World

Things can get a little mixed up
When you're spinning 'round and 'round
Sometimes it's hard to know where up is
Until you have found the down.
When left is right and straight is crooked
And the world feels outside in
Just close your eyes and clear your head
And try your best to start again.

Magic Carpet

I have a magic carpet

It flies all around the room

But I cannot keep it clean

'Cause I can't find my magic broom.

Two Bad Jobs

Although working in the salt mines

Is neither fun nor easy

Grinding pepper for a living

Is intolerably sneezy.

A Most Incredible Thing

I saw an incredible thing today!
An amazing, improbable thing today!
A stupendous and wondrous
Tremendous and marvelous
Most incredible thing!

This thing that I witnessed today,
Was such a fantastic display!
I was struck with delight
At the extraordinary site
Of this most incredible thing!

The Nap

Under the shade of a maple tree
Sleeps a tiny, little snoring flea
Bedded down in the hair of a worn-out rat
That's sleeping soundly on the back of a fluffy brown cat
That's curled up tight on an old hound dog
That's snoozing on the back of a fat, pink hog
That's catching forty winks on the back of a cow
That's also asleep, though I don't know how
And under that cow sleeps an old gray mare
And can you guess what's under there?
Why, another little flea, at the bottom of the pile...
And I think it's going to be asleep for awhile.

The Rainbow's End

Pack your travel bags, and come with me
We'll voyage across a purple sea
Under a golden yellow sun
To a colorful world far away.

We'll come ashore on fiery opal sands
Then push onward into a painted land
Of crimson and jade and sapphire hues
Brushed on by an artist unknown.

So come with me, my dearest friend
Together we'll find the rainbow's end
We'll toss our troubles to the wind
And we'll leave this world behind.

Deal With the Devil

An old cowboy rode into town
On a worn out horse with his head held down.
Stepped into a tavern
On a dusty, windswept,

Unforgiven street.

One last chance was all he had
'Cause things had really turned out bad.
And he sat down at a table

Dealing endless hands of stud.

That night, a cowboy came for blood.

Across the table, bathed in red
Sat the Devil, horns upon his head
A stack of chips
And a wicked, rotten smile.

The Devil looked like he'd been there awhile.

Confident the cowboy

Slid his chips into the pot.
Looked at his cards

And he felt his face grow hot.
But times were tough and he'd had enough
He bet his soul, and Red called his bluff.
And when the cards fell
The Devil laughed

And swished his pointy tail.

Can't take it back, once you go all in.
Sometimes there's just no way a man can win.

The Devil lit a fat cigar
He laid the contract on the bar.
And Old Scratch let out a chuckle
Through a toothy yellow grin.
And then

The cowboy looked him square in the eye
And he signed his name with a tired sigh.
He had no choice
And now his fate was sealed.

Someday the Devil would collect his due.
But what else could a beaten cowboy do?

Funhouse Mirror

Gaze into the funhouse mirror

Destiny was never clearer

Shrinks the legs and tugs the heart

Watch it spread your eyes apart

Gilded Bird

Gilded bird, polished bright
Emerald eyes blind to the light.

Prized parrot in cage nearby
Has a voice but cannot fly.

Small brown bird sits in a tree
Worth so little yet so free.

Forbidden Fruit

Once there was an antelope

Who fell for a young cantaloupe

Against their parents' wishes

They eloped

And ran away*

*Well, one ran. The other rolled.

Sweet Dreams

She laid her pretty little head
Down on her pretty little bed
She shut her pretty eyes as daddy said "sweet dreams"

She found a land of lollipops
Skipped down a path of sweet gumdrops
She crossed a bridge above a gushing chocolate stream

She strayed so very far from home
A little girl all alone
Lured by things that weren't exactly as they seemed

Entered an endless saccharin maze
That turned a hundred different ways
Cut through a thicket unlike any she had seen

And so enchanted by the scent
Of winding vines of peppermint
Continued on to see what waited 'round the bend

She tasted of forbidden sweets
An endless feast of truffle treats
That left a smear of chocolate fudge across her chin

And as the hour was growing late
From candy apple trees she ate
Crunched sweet and juicy bites of red delicious sin

But then a breeze began to blow
And powdered sugar fell like snow
And her indulgent romp came to a sour end

The path grew dark, the vines closed in
The candied thorns tore at her skin
For she had savored far too much of a good thing

And when she caught the sickly smell
Of sticky burning caramel

She felt a frantic panic quickly setting in

Her feet left gooey taffy tracks
But she could not find the way back
She was as scared as any girl had ever been

Lost in a wicked candy land
She finally came to understand
The rancid side of life that woke her with a scream

And though still safe within her bed
Sweet visions danced inside her head
The pretty girl's too scared to go to sleep again

He Wears a Mask

Concealed and exposed
Walks through a world
That no one knows
He wears a mask
Tied 'round him for eternity

A blessing and a curse
Defines the best
Reveals the worst
Becomes the only him
That he's allowed to be

Love on the High Seas

Although cuttlefish are lovely
They're the furthest thing from cuddly
And I find kissing fish extremely hard to court.

Sadly, the creatures of the sea
Remain a mystery to me
And so I think it's time that I sail back to port.

Lion Tamer

On a train I met a stranger
Claimed he was a lion tamer
Found out later he was just a lyin' liar.

The Uninteresting Life of a Tree

Of all the things that I could be
I'm really glad I'm not a tree
'Cause if I was I think I wood be rather board.

Monster in My Closet

There's a monster in my closet

And he's trying on my stuff.

Yes, there's a monster in my closet

And I think I've had enough.

He creeps in every evening

After I have gone to bed.

He wakes me with his rummaging

A sound I've come to dread.

It's not just the noise that bugs me

He shows no respect at all.

I'm tired of his shenanigans

They drive me up the wall.

He stretches all my t-shirts

He gets slime on all my shoes.

He puts holes in all my dungarees

I'm tired of this abuse.

If he'd occasionally ask permission

I'd lend him a thing or two.

But he just barges in and takes stuff

And I think that's rather rude.

Now I know he likes my style

But this really has to stop.

'Cause it's my closet after all

It's not a late-night monster shop.

Just last week he wore my new suit

To a fancy monster dance.

He lost a button from the jacket

And ripped the seat out of the pants.

Night after night he's in my closet

Trying on everything I own.

So inconsiderate and loud

He acts like he lives all alone.

I'm not the only one who's tired

Of this thoughtless closet pest.

The poor old monster underneath my bed

Can't get a moment's rest.

A Riddle

I have no legs but I have rhythm
Have no smarts but I outwit 'em
Have no claws but I can burrow in
And bug a man all day.

What am I?

A Fine Mess

I have a sister who has a mother
Who has a cousin who has a brother
Who has an aunt who has a daughter
Who has a son who's me.

Rotten Poem

This poem is a rotten poem

A filthy, stinking, rotten poem

A vile, slithering, quivering poem

That crawls from a hole in my head

Detestable words from a deep, dark lair

My wiggling, wriggling thoughts laid bare

With grimy nails and matted hair

Plops onto a greasy floor

Then glistening with pus and slime

This dripping, oozing, festering rhyme

Slips through the cracks into your mind

An uninvited guest

Modern Man

He leaned back in his kitchen chair

Until he found the razor's edge

A dance choreographed in millimeters

And for a brief moment

He was transformed...

Daredevil

Thrill seeker

And he found himself
in the open cockpit of a WWI plane,
taking fire...

And then he was twisting the throttle
of a sleek black motorcycle,
coming out of a hairpin turn...

And he was taking a step to the left
as an arrow whistled harmlessly past his ear...

And he was breathlessly willing the dealer
to turn over the ten of spades...

And he was hiding in the brush,
downwind from a pride of lions...

And he was holding a machete high in the air,
pausing briefly before the downswing...

And he was locking eyes
with a mysterious redheaded woman...

And he was releasing a Molotav cocktail...

And he was standing on the edge of a canyon trail,
staring into a deep ravine...

And he was squeezing the trigger
of a large-caliber revolver...

For a split second,
he felt the thing men have always felt
as they taste the salty blood of life...

And then, his morning ritual complete

He leaned forward, slowly and deliberately

Carefully letting the chair legs down to the floor

And he finished his oatmeal

In silence

And tried not to drip any on his necktie

Blue Moon

The next time the moon is feeling blue
I'm going to step out into the night
And stare right up at him

I'll wave
And I'll whistle
And I'll jump up and down
Until I'm certain he sees me
And when I have the moon's full attention
I'll offer up my warmest, kindest smile

We will stand there, face to face
With nothing to hide
Sharing a comfortable silence
Like two old friends

And the moon will realize
That somebody down here is thinking of him
He will know that someone cares

They tell me that I'm awfully small
And the moon is terribly far away
But that doesn't discourage me

I'll try my best to take away those blues
I'll try to make the moon beam

The Sailor

There once was a boy who cried for a year
So he built a boat that could float on his tears
And he packed a bag
And he climbed aboard
And he sailed for smiles and smiles

Plain Jane

Plain Jane has simple tastes
Drives a simple car
Keeps a simple place
Yes Plain Jane lives a simple life
Though her hat is quite elaborate.

(It was a gift)

The Great Sphinx

Though it's clear he once let loose an earth-shaking sneeze,
There's just no proof the Great Sphinx ever had allergies.

The Tea Party

Every afternoon like clockwork
At a quarter after three
Mrs. Mouse and Mrs. Snail
Got together for low tea.
They carried on this bit of business
Inside Mrs. Snail's shell
And although it sounds uncomfortable
They managed rather well.

Now one day as they sat chatting
They heard a knock upon the door
It was their neighbor Mrs. Turtle
On her way back from the store.
And like any proper hostess
Mrs. Snail threw her door wide
She took Mrs. Turtle by the hand
And begged her "Come inside."

But it soon became apparent
Though they squeezed with all their might
They just couldn't fit another
In a home so small and tight.
"Not to worry" said Mrs. Turtle
"The answer's obvious to me
"We'll relocate this fine tea party
"My spacious turtle shell holds three."

So they took their tea and crumpets
From Mrs. Snail's small bungalow
And resumed their little gathering
In Mrs. Turtle's grand chateau.
But just as soon as they were seated
In Mrs. Turtle's roomy shell
They were once more interrupted
By the buzz of the doorbell.

At the door was Mrs. Rabbit
(She lived a few miles down the road)
And beside her, smiling widely
Stood her dear friend Mrs. Toad.
Now this presented a conundrum
As I'm sure you would agree
For there's just no way to fit five guests
In a home that's built for three.

So they put their heads together
They knew they'd need a bigger house
And after weighing all the options
All heads turned to Mrs. Mouse.
"Although I'd love to host you"
Mrs. Mouse said from her seat
"My husband is a pack rat

"And my house is never neat."

And so the girls decided

After a brief and cordial talk
To cancel their tea party
And instead go for a walk.

The Canary Islands

The Canary Islands probably need
To import the bulk of their bird seed.
To offset the cost of this endeavor
I bet they export pillow feathers.

We Regret to Inform You

We regret to inform you that the item you were expecting
The thing for which you were waiting, patiently
Has been discontinued.

And although it's not exactly what you had hoped for
Please accept this substitute, for it is a fine item.
We are certain that you will find it useful
And enjoyable.

We appreciate your business.

Tin Soldiers

Tin soldiers lined up in the sand

Placed gently by his soft sweet hand

And some will die

Young boy grows to become a man

Plucked from the vine on which he tanned

Ripe fruit of war

Ten soldiers line up in the sand

A sunbaked, bloodsoaked foreign land

And some will die

The Singular Circus of Simon Sincere

See the Singular Circus of Simon Sincere
It's traveled the world, it's finally here
So step right up and pay the cashier
Just a nickel, not one penny more

Curiosities, oddities, rare and unique
They'll only be here for the rest of the week
No pushing no shoving, you'll all get a peek
Throw your nickel in the jar

Read a poem penned by Attila the Hun

See a stepladder made for Napoleon

See Pope Benedict's face on a sticky bun

And Leonardo da Vinci's eraser

You'll see wondrous things that you'll hardly believe
Like the wedding announcement of Adam and Eve
Hold a melted snowball from Mount Fuji
That's been saved in a soda pop bottle

Cultivate a taste for the finer things
See art procured from the international scene
See a miniature portrait of the Queen
That's affixed to a postal letter

You'll see nature's experiments tested and failed

See a flea no bigger than a whale

An earthworm whose head looks just like its tail

And the world's only one-leaf clover

Prefer the bizarre, the strange, the weird?

Come meet the fat lady who can't grow a beard

See a giant so tiny he disappeared

And the tallest dwarf in the world

Say you like the fantastic stuff instead?

See a lock of hair from a mermaid's head

See a unicorn's saddle, a leprechaun's bed

And a monocle fit for a cyclops

Exotic items guaranteed to attract

Throw the boomerang that never comes back

You'll see a carnivorous Venus flytrap

And its cousin the Venus flyswatter

Witness Mother Nature run amok

See twins from Siam who have come unstuck

See a rabbit's foot that contains no luck

And a duck that can count to one

See a rare Ning vase and a Flaberge egg

A cigar-store Indian with a wooden leg

No need to borrow, steal or beg

Drop your nickel in the jar

It's the Singular Circus of Simon Sincere

The one, the only, a show without peer

If you see imitators, you're forewarned to steer clear

For those hucksters sell nothing but lies

Brother Nature

I'm Mother Nature's brother

I'm a dirty rotten guy

Not as well known as my sister

Though I give it my best try

I'm mischievous and devious

My list of exploits long

I tinker with my sister's work

Until I get it wrong

Ever marveled at the platypus's

Bill, webbed feet and fur?

I mixed a duck and beaver

With a shake and then a stir

I put the hump upon the camel

Pressed the nose of the poor pug

Put the prickles on the porcupine

So he could never hug

I locked away the lowly turtle

Deep inside his boxy shell

Honked the horn of the rhinoceros

Though I don't think he could tell

Yes I'm a dirty rotten scoundrel

I admit this fact of course

Scrubbed the stripes right off a zebra

That's how I made the horse

I broke the mole's eyeglasses

Told the goose that it could sing

Plucked the feathers from the fruit bat

Gave the honeybee its sting

Stretched the neck of the giraffe

And then I stole the monkeys' pants

Stripped the peahen of her plumage

Hid the uncles from the ants

I like trickery and mischief

And I'm quite the gifted thief

You'll find traces of my handiwork

Wherever there is grief

I laundered the flamingos

With a bright red kneehigh sock

And I crammed those extra teeth

Into the mouth of the poor croc

Yes I'm a schemer and a rascal

But I don't get a fair shake

For if I hadn't swiped that lizard's legs

We wouldn't have the snake

So next time you stare in wonder

As a flying squirrel takes flight

You should thank old Brother Nature

For providing such a sight

The Girl Who Fell Into Herself

Terminal velocity

The sound of rushing air

She hurtles toward her dense black core

Her skin begins to tear

Sucked deeper into darkness

No rescue, no escape

The constant pull of gravity

A strange but certain fate

Now growing ever smaller

The heat begins to rise

Compressing all her molecules

And squeezing out the size

Continuing the plummet

She forms a perfect sphere

A tiny speck, a popping sound

And then she disappears

The Frog

Clinging awkwardly to a damp log
Spends his hopless days in the bog

Swimming in circles
Lost in a fog

Such is life for a one-legged frog.

On a Beach

Barefoot and dressed in jeans, standing on a beach at sunset
Damp sand, sea foam, footprints stolen by the hungry surf
Toes wet, feet wet, knees wet, too late now
Rhythmic waves. An unplanned wade into the unknown.

Shaman, standing on the edge of forever
Swaying gracefully in the restless water
Silhouetted by the silver moonlight?

Or just washed up,
Alone and afraid
In the
Dark.

Aisle 12

Click clack, click clack
A dollar ninety nine.
I'm stocking the shelves at the People-Mart
Pricing each one
With a plastic gun.
Judging them one at a time.

Click clack, click clack
A sea of human cans.
My task is to calculate each one's worth
By color by weight
By size and by shape
A price for each life in my hands.

Click clack, click clack
How can I determine the cost?
Shall I tally the value trait by trait?
Big heart or big brain
Are they worth the same?
I confess that I feel a bit lost.

Click clack, click clack
Am I willing, am I able?
To subtract for the scratches, scuffs and dings?
Dented or defaced
Will that change the taste?
What if a can's missing its label?

Click clack, click clack
Rows and rows of unmarked cans.
No way to account for potential or grace
No price is too high
I let out a sigh
Just what is the worth of a man?

Click clack, click clack
Pointless pursuit of prices.
Give up the charade, my futile trade
Close down the store
And lock the front door
For each man on the shelf is priceless.

Code Red

I woke up this morning on Mars
Staring up at the unblinking stars
What I'm doing here
In the final frontier
Is unclear

A countdown, a flight and a crash
A life lost and found in a flash
Alone left for dead
A bump on the head
I see red

...

Mission control...
Spacecraft down...
If you receive this transmission...
Please advise...

...

I summon the courage to stand
Cast my shadow across a strange land
My body is weak
My cry hoarse and meek
Outlook bleak

With only one small step in mind
My boot makes a leap for mankind
Horizon line nears
My head slowly clears
Wipe my tears

...

Mission control...
You got your ears on?
Over...

...

Spaceman wanders lost and alone
Silent beauty of the unknown
Sunlight warms his face
Footsteps fall with grace
Striking place

Fear subsides and at last I find peace
Chart my course over sandy red seas
My heart and head freed
Forever my creed
Godspeed

...

Mission control...
No need for rescue...
I see signs of life...
Over and out.

Horse Jeans

There once was a horse
Unlike any you've seen
This unusual horse
Wore a pair of horse jeans.

They looked strange on a horse
But he kept them quite clean
He slept in and cherished
And loved his horse jeans.

The knights wouldn’t ride him
They could be quite mean.
“We’re not charging into battle
On a horse with horse jeans.”

“We’ll get laughed at by women,
"Little girls and by teens.
"No, we won’t ride a horse
"Who walks around in horse jeans.”

The Queen was concerned
By this unfortunate scene.
So she found a horse doctor
For the horse with horse jeans.

“Give him a full checkup
"By order of the Queen
"We just can’t let this horse
"Walk around in horse jeans.”

When she left the horse said
“Doc, I don’t need a vaccine
"I just like to have pockets
"That’s why I wear horse jeans.”

“Aha!” said the doctor
“If that’s all you need
"I’ve the perfect prescription
"Soon you won’t want horse jeans.”

The next morning the doctor
Went straight to Queen
“I’ve fixed him, he’s cured.
"He’s given up his horse jeans.”

The Queen ran to the stable
To check on the horse
He was standing there smiling
Wearing his new horse shorts.