Voyage of the Landlocked Pirate

He had a long black beard, a peg leg and a patch over his eye
He flew the skull and bones above his ship against a cloudless sky
He was fierce and unforgiving, and a pirate to the core
He was the captain of a ship drydocked a thousand miles from shore

He spent his days behind the wheel, navigating fields of gold
He never saw another ship, 'cause there were no ships to behold
He led a crew of swarthy scarecrows serving under his command
He was the captain of a pirate ship that never left the land

His ship had no need for an anchor, but it had one just in case
It didn't really need sails either, because it just stayed in one place
It had ten cannons at the ready, and its decks were swabbed and clean
It was the strangest pirate ship that any farmer'd ever seen

And although waves of wheat would be the only waves he ever rode
The fearless captain lived his whole life strictly by the pirate's code
He was a legendary figure, who, thanks to geography
Became the greatest pirate captain...

Who never sailed the sea