Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Singular Circus of Simon Sincere

See the Singular Circus of Simon Sincere
It's traveled the world, it's finally here
So step right up and pay the cashier
Just a nickel, not one penny more

Curiosities, oddities, rare and unique
They'll only be here for the rest of the week
No pushing no shoving, you'll all get a peek
Throw your nickel in the jar

Read a poem penned by Attila the Hun
See a stepladder made for Napoleon
See Pope Benedict's face on a sticky bun
And Leonardo da Vinci's eraser

You'll see wondrous things that you'll hardly believe
Like the wedding announcement of Adam and Eve
Hold a melted snowball from Mount Fuji
That's been saved in a soda pop bottle

Cultivate a taste for the finer things
See art procured from the international scene
See a miniature portrait of the Queen
That's affixed to a postal letter

You'll see nature's experiments tested and failed
See a flea no bigger than a whale
An earthworm whose head looks just like its tail
And the world's only one-leaf clover

Prefer the bizarre, the strange, the weird?
Come meet the fat lady who can't grow a beard
See a giant so tiny he disappeared
And the tallest dwarf in the world

Say you like the fantastic stuff instead?
See a lock of hair from a mermaid's head
See a unicorn's saddle, a leprechaun's bed
And a monocle fit for a cyclops

Exotic items guaranteed to attract
Throw the boomerang that never comes back
You'll see a carnivorous Venus flytrap
And its cousin the Venus flyswatter

Witness Mother Nature run amok
See twins from Siam who have come unstuck
See a rabbit's foot that contains no luck
And a duck that can count to one

See a rare Ning vase and a Flaberge egg
A cigar-store Indian with a wooden leg
No need to borrow, steal or beg
Drop your nickel in the jar

It's the Singular Circus of Simon Sincere
The one, the only, a show without peer
If you see imitators, you're forewarned to steer clear
For those hucksters sell nothing but lies

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Brother Nature

I'm Mother Nature's brother

I'm a dirty rotten guy

Not as well known as my sister

Though I give it my best try

I'm mischievous and devious

My list of exploits long

I tinker with my sister's work

Until I get it wrong

Ever marveled at the platypus's

Bill, webbed feet and fur?

I mixed a duck and beaver

With a shake and then a stir

I put the hump upon the camel

Pressed the nose of the poor pug

Put the prickles on the porcupine

So he could never hug

I locked away the lowly turtle

Deep inside his boxy shell

Honked the horn of the rhinoceros

Though I don't think he could tell

Yes I'm a dirty rotten scoundrel

I admit this fact of course

Scrubbed the stripes right off a zebra

That's how I made the horse

I broke the mole's eyeglasses

Told the goose that it could sing

Plucked the feathers from the fruit bat

Gave the honeybee its sting

Stretched the neck of the giraffe

And then I stole the monkeys' pants

Stripped the peahen of her plumage

Hid the uncles from the ants

I like trickery and mischief

And I'm quite the gifted thief

You'll find traces of my handiwork

Wherever there is grief

I laundered the flamingos

With a bright red kneehigh sock

And I crammed those extra teeth

Into the mouth of the poor croc

Yes I'm a schemer and a rascal

But I don't get a fair shake

For if I hadn't swiped that lizard's legs

We wouldn't have the snake

So next time you stare in wonder

As a flying squirrel takes flight

You should thank old Brother Nature

For providing such a sight

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Girl Who Fell Into Herself

Terminal velocity
The sound of rushing air
She hurtles toward her dense black core
Her skin begins to tear

Sucked deeper into darkness
No rescue, no escape
The constant pull of gravity
A strange but certain fate

Now growing ever smaller
The heat begins to rise
Compressing all her molecules
And squeezing out the size

Continuing the plummet
She forms a perfect sphere
A tiny speck, a popping sound
And then she disappears

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Frog

Clinging awkwardly to a damp log
Spends his hopless days in the bog

Swimming in circles
Lost in a fog

Such is life for a one-legged frog.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

On a Beach

Barefoot and dressed in jeans, standing on a beach at sunset
Damp sand, sea foam, footprints stolen by the hungry surf
Toes wet, feet wet, knees wet, too late now
Rhythmic waves. An unplanned wade into the unknown.

Shaman, standing on the edge of forever
Swaying gracefully in the restless water
Silhouetted by the silver moonlight?

Or just washed up,
Alone and afraid
In the

Aisle 12

Click clack, click clack
A dollar ninety nine.
I'm stocking the shelves at the People-Mart
Pricing each one
With a plastic gun.
Judging them one at a time.

Click clack, click clack
A sea of human cans.
My task is to calculate each one's worth
By color by weight
By size and by shape
A price for each life in my hands.

Click clack, click clack
How can I determine the cost?
Shall I tally the value trait by trait?
Big heart or big brain
Are they worth the same?
I confess that I feel a bit lost.

Click clack, click clack
Am I willing, am I able?
To subtract for the scratches, scuffs and dings?
Dented or defaced
Will that change the taste?
What if a can's missing its label?

Click clack, click clack
Rows and rows of unmarked cans.
No way to account for potential or grace
No price is too high
I let out a sigh
Just what is the worth of a man?

Click clack, click clack
Pointless pursuit of prices.
Give up the charade, my futile trade
Close down the store
And lock the front door
For each man on the shelf is priceless.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Code Red

I woke up this morning on Mars
Staring up at the unblinking stars
What I'm doing here
In the final frontier
Is unclear

A countdown, a flight and a crash
A life lost and found in a flash
Alone left for dead
A bump on the head
I see red


Mission control...
Spacecraft down...
If you receive this transmission...
Please advise...


I summon the courage to stand
Cast my shadow across a strange land
My body is weak
My cry hoarse and meek
Outlook bleak

With only one small step in mind
My boot makes a leap for mankind
Horizon line nears
My head slowly clears
Wipe my tears


Mission control...
You got your ears on?


Spaceman wanders lost and alone
Silent beauty of the unknown
Sunlight warms his face
Footsteps fall with grace
Striking place

Fear subsides and at last I find peace
Chart my course over sandy red seas
My heart and head freed
Forever my creed


Mission control...
No need for rescue...
I see signs of life...
Over and out.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Horse Jeans

There once was a horse
Unlike any you've seen
This unusual horse
Wore a pair of horse jeans.

They looked strange on a horse
But he kept them quite clean
He slept in and cherished
And loved his horse jeans.

The knights wouldn’t ride him
They could be quite mean.
“We’re not charging into battle
On a horse with horse jeans.”

“We’ll get laughed at by women,
"Little girls and by teens.
"No, we won’t ride a horse
"Who walks around in horse jeans.”

The Queen was concerned
By this unfortunate scene.
So she found a horse doctor
For the horse with horse jeans.

“Give him a full checkup
"By order of the Queen
"We just can’t let this horse
"Walk around in horse jeans.”

When she left the horse said
“Doc, I don’t need a vaccine
"I just like to have pockets
"That’s why I wear horse jeans.”

“Aha!” said the doctor
“If that’s all you need
"I’ve the perfect prescription
"Soon you won’t want horse jeans.”

The next morning the doctor
Went straight to Queen
“I’ve fixed him, he’s cured.
"He’s given up his horse jeans.”

The Queen ran to the stable
To check on the horse
He was standing there smiling
Wearing his new horse shorts.