Starting Over

If I were designing a new me from scratch
I would make a slight change here and there.
For starters I'd give me the eyes of the hawk
And I'd take the great strength of the bear.
Then I'd add on the pouch of the kangaroo
So I'd have a safe place for my keys,
The spots of the leopard, the legs of the frog,
And the bright yellow stripes of the bees.
The ears of the bunny, the elephant's nose
And some beautiful antlers perhaps,
And the shell of the turtle that I could crawl in
For some undisturbed noontime naps.
I'd proudly wear the peacock's tail
The sailfish's majestic sail
And if I got bored
I'd just flap my wings
And gracefully fly away.

The Fly in My Eye

I have a fly
That is caught in my eye
It's the biggest fly I've ever seen

He's hairy and blue
And he's blocking my view
And he's staring at me kind of mean

I've tried pulling and prying

And winking and crying

And jumping on a trampoline

But that fat, stubborn fly

Is stuck fast in my eye

And I can't seem to intervene

To Be a Bee With Allergies

To be a bee with allergies,

The endless sounds of buzz... buzz... sneeze.

Hour after loathsome hour,

Toiling within wretched flowers.

Oh, the bitter irony...

To be a bee with allergies.

One Gnu Too Few

I won an old gnu

Which was one gnu too few

One less gnu than I knew I would need.

But I'll try to make due

With this one lonesome gnu

'Til the day I can have two or three.

Low Clearance

Sometimes I wonder
Why earthworms live under
The stones in my flower bed.
I would dislike
A home so small and tight
For I fear I would bump my worm head.

Bare Bear

There once was a bear who lost all of his hair
He was bare as a bear could be.
He got more than his share of giggles and stares
'Cause he was such a strange site to see.
At first he was worried that he wasn't furry
But with time grew to like his bare skin.
Now he lives life with ease, just enjoying the breeze
Wearing nothing at all but a grin.

The Octopus Wrestler

I found myself wrestling an octopus once,
Which wasn't that easy to do.
For it had eight arms with which to hold me
And I was armed only with two.

With skill and brute strength and a good bit of luck
I was able to give him a wallop.
But next time I feel like a watery tussle
I'll challenge a mussel or scallop.

Or a shrimp.

I Have an Elephant Stuck in My Ear

I have an elephant stuck in my ear

It's squeezed in so tight I can barely hear
Just how it got there's not entirely clear
But it's there nonetheless and it feels rather weird
Now I'm fully aware that my quandary sounds queer
But you must understand that I'm being sincere
When I tell you an elephant's stuck in my ear
I'm sure my predicament's quite severe

This sort of thing's always been my biggest fear
I need a good doctor or engineer
Who can figure out how to make it disappear
Maybe pull from the trunk, or push from the rear
But please, someone, please get it out of my ear!

Imagination

A colorful bird that leaves its perch
To fly to distant lands unseen, unknown.
Returns to sit upon the shoulders,
Preen its plumage, rest its weary wings.

The Purple Speckled Egg

It was a gift from Uncle Gus, brought back from some strange land.

A lovely purple speckled egg placed in my eager hand.

In all his travels he'd found no other

I ran and showed it to my mother

Who said she'd never seen another

Purple speckled egg.

What kind of egg is it you ask? Well, that's still undecided.

I've researched oviparity but found no other like it.

Whatever it is that grows in there

Seems wholly content and unaware

As hour by hour I sit and stare

At my purple speckled egg.

Was it laid by something wriggly? Was it laid by something that flew?

Or produced perhaps by some strange beast that taxonomy never knew?

So fascinating, this fragile prize

That incubates a living surprise

A mystery larger than its size

My purple speckled egg.

The Fourth Little Pig

The fourth little pig made his home on a yacht
That was moored at the end of a long, wooden dock.
The wolf huffed and he puffed, but to his dismay
The pig hoisted the sails for a clean getaway.

Big Bob's Early Exit

They said it was escape-proof
A fishbowl filled with tears
Stocked with hardened criminals
Who were locked away for years.
The goldfish markin' time inside
Had rap sheets nine miles long.
They swam in endless circles
Wonderin' what the heck went wrong.
The oldest inmate was a con
Who went by the name Big Bob.
He was netted seven years ago
For pullin' a riverbank job.
Yes, seven years of hard time,
Sunk in that cold, glass clink.
And that's seven years of nothin' to do
But scheme and plan and think.
He'd scrutinized the security,
And he thought he'd found a way
To slip right out of that goldfish bowl
And see the light of day.
The other inmates laughed at Bob
Not one of them believed him.
They had long since given up the dream
Of ever nibblin' freedom.
But Big Bob was optimistic.
Big Bob was undeterred.
Big Bob said he was leaving,
And Big Bob kept his word.
And one mornin' at the roll call,
The guards found somethin' weird:
Big Bob had vanished in the night,
Big Bob had disappeared.
No one knew how he did it.
They never found his route.
But the rumor swirlin' 'round the yard
Was that Big Bob tunneled out.

If I Had

If I had eight arms like an octopi
I could clap my hands while I waved goodbye
I could juggle nine balls if I gave it a try
If I had
If I had
Eight arms

If I had a long neck like a giraffe
You could hear an echo when I laughed
It would take ten scarves just to cover half
If I had
If I had
That neck

If I had a pouch like a kangaroo
I could carry a pot of tea for two
Hide my head inside when I felt blue
If I had
If I had
A pouch

If I had the jaws of the alligator
I could eat taffy now and jerky later
Skip the squash, steamed broccoli and tomaters
If I had
If I had
Those jaws

If I had the horn of the rhinoceros
I could pop balloons just because they was
It would point the way for the both of us
If I had
If I had
A horn

If I had these things life would surely be
Quite different as I'm sure you see
But I think I'd choose to just be me
If I had
If I had
A choice

On Unicorns

I have a question about unicorns

I'd like to ask of you:

Do they have one horn too many

Or do they have one horn too few?

The Absentminded Elephant

They say elephants remember
They say pachyderms keep track
Of every little thing that happens
Every name and place and fact.
And though it's true that most remember
And remember quite a lot
I know an absentminded elephant
Who forgot.

He forgot his mother's birthday
He forgot his father's too
He forgot to do his homework
He forgot to tie his shoes
He forgot to eat his veggies
He forgot to wait his turn
He forgot to wash behind his ears
When would he ever learn?
He forgot to say "Excuse me"
He forgot to say "Thank you"
He forgot to say "I'm sorry"
"Please madam, after you."
He forgot to ask permission
He forgot to feed his fish
He blew out his birthday candles
But forgot to make a wish.

But then one day he heard of
An ingenious little trick
He tied a string around his trunk
It was simple, it was quick!
And so he tied another string
And then he tied a couple more
He tied a string for every little thing
That he'd forgot before.
And now that elephant is happy
He recalls with speed and grace
Cause what's on his mind's as obvious
As the nose upon his face.

The Nap

Under the shade of a maple tree
Sleeps a tiny, little snoring flea
Bedded down in the hair of a worn-out rat
That's sleeping soundly on the back of a fluffy brown cat
That's curled up tight on an old hound dog
That's snoozing on the back of a fat, pink hog
That's catching forty winks on the back of a cow
That's also asleep, though I don't know how
And under that cow sleeps an old gray mare
And can you guess what's under there?
Why, another little flea, at the bottom of the pile...
And I think it's going to be asleep for awhile.

Gilded Bird

Gilded bird, polished bright
Emerald eyes blind to the light.

Prized parrot in cage nearby
Has a voice but cannot fly.

Small brown bird sits in a tree
Worth so little yet so free.

Forbidden Fruit

Once there was an antelope

Who fell for a young cantaloupe

Against their parents' wishes

They eloped

And ran away*

*Well, one ran. The other rolled.

Love on the High Seas

Although cuttlefish are lovely
They're the furthest thing from cuddly
And I find kissing fish extremely hard to court.

Sadly, the creatures of the sea
Remain a mystery to me
And so I think it's time that I sail back to port.

The Tea Party

Every afternoon like clockwork
At a quarter after three
Mrs. Mouse and Mrs. Snail
Got together for low tea.
They carried on this bit of business
Inside Mrs. Snail's shell
And although it sounds uncomfortable
They managed rather well.

Now one day as they sat chatting
They heard a knock upon the door
It was their neighbor Mrs. Turtle
On her way back from the store.
And like any proper hostess
Mrs. Snail threw her door wide
She took Mrs. Turtle by the hand
And begged her "Come inside."

But it soon became apparent
Though they squeezed with all their might
They just couldn't fit another
In a home so small and tight.
"Not to worry" said Mrs. Turtle
"The answer's obvious to me
"We'll relocate this fine tea party
"My spacious turtle shell holds three."

So they took their tea and crumpets
From Mrs. Snail's small bungalow
And resumed their little gathering
In Mrs. Turtle's grand chateau.
But just as soon as they were seated
In Mrs. Turtle's roomy shell
They were once more interrupted
By the buzz of the doorbell.

At the door was Mrs. Rabbit
(She lived a few miles down the road)
And beside her, smiling widely
Stood her dear friend Mrs. Toad.
Now this presented a conundrum
As I'm sure you would agree
For there's just no way to fit five guests
In a home that's built for three.

So they put their heads together
They knew they'd need a bigger house
And after weighing all the options
All heads turned to Mrs. Mouse.
"Although I'd love to host you"
Mrs. Mouse said from her seat
"My husband is a pack rat

"And my house is never neat."

And so the girls decided

After a brief and cordial talk
To cancel their tea party
And instead go for a walk.